The kidney biopsy results are in, the doctor called it “bad news”. Haddie’s kidneys are not looking too good. She has quite extensive damage. 60% of her kidneys are not useful, and the other 40% are abnormal and will continue to deteriorate over time. Basically the type of damage they found is typically very progressive. The children who have it usually go into end stage renal failure around the age of three. At this point, dialysis is an option, as well as a kidney transplant. The really great and encouraging part about all of this is, a transplant usually licks this! After some thought, this is what we heard – Haddie Joy has bad kidneys, we can fix it. That, my friends, is GOOD NEWS!!!
I also think it is worthy to mention that there is nothing usual about Haddie. This kind of kidney damage is fairly rare. They are looking at case studies of children, who have had this type of kidney damage, and they will base treatment options largely on that, but I can assure you there is no case study they can look at, that is just like hers. So…..basically it is up to “God and Haddie” as her nephrologist (kidney doc) so eloquently put it. In other words, Haddie might do well another 10 years with her kidneys. Based on what he saw, I think this would probably be a miracle, but hey – we have seen those before, right??!!!
It looks like a family/friend donor will be the best route to go. Peter and I will start the screening process in February. The first part of the screening process will require only bloodwork. The best match will then have a cat scan to assure there are indeed two kidneys and that the blood vessels around those kidneys make a good candidate for removal. The donor will be in the hospital 5 days or less, and miss a few weeks of work.
God continues to teach us a lot as we walk this journey. I have been through a plethora of emotions. I was excited to finally hear a “fix”. I was troubled at some of what I’ve read in relation to her specific type of damage. I fear the future and how we will manage it all. I was angered at a friend for telling me that God would be there and provide all of our needs, when in times past, I have felt that needs have gone unmet. I didn’t want to hear the truth she shared…..you may not either, but we need to hear it. I need to hear it.
Here it is.
God cares more for my spiritual condition than my having an easy life. (Gasp) It’s true. He wants me to long for Him. Believe in Him. Need Him. I am betrothed to the God of Creation, and He doesn’t want to share me. He doesn’t want me to yearn for things that will break my commitment to Him, that will sow seeds of unrighteous abandonment in our covenant ground. He wants me to continue in His words, be His disciple, and be set free. (John 8) He wants me to sow seeds of righteousness in our covenant grassland; the lasting kind. See, what we know, what we see, what we understand – it dies. It fades. It is there, then gone. Abandonment is not a bad word. It can be a word we live by. It is our reasonable sacrifice. (Romans 12) The John 8 woman knew it, did she not? When people looked at her, they saw – scum. What Jesus Christ saw – reckless love; a pleasing sacrifice. A prized possession poured out at His feet, washed with her tears and stroked with her crown of glory. She laid her crown at His feet and wept. She laid down every part of who she was for something she did not see. Something she could not touch.
Blessings, the divine kind.
They aren’t just a result of a productive day. They aren’t just sunshine and breeze. They aren’t just smiles and laughs.
They come during the waiting for what’s been told. They come on the knees. They come when you are prostrated, laid out on that covenant countryside; that place that is yours and His. They come when you are uncomfortable, weak, poor, and without hope from mankind.
At times, the covenant ground, which was once seen as bountiful and abundant, appears to be consumed by drought. All understood to be beautiful, withers; the fragrance which once was worn as a garland has been spent, broken and emptied over that Carpenter’s feet. In the absence of perfumed decoration there lingers a reminder of barren ground which we long to have filled with new growth.
Sometimes, when I find myself in the desert ground, I become mad. I become discontent. I want to know why it doesn’t feel good. Why it smells. Why it is hard. If I stay mad and discontent, I often find myself asking infertile questions – Why did I plant my soul in a man who died a felon’s death?
Isn’t this Christian life supposed to produce stuff? Good stuff? Blessings?
Thus says the LORD,
“Heaven is My throne and the earth is My footstool.
Where then is a house you could build for Me?
And where is a place that I may rest?
“For My hand made all these things,
Thus all these things came into being,” declares the LORD.
“But to this one I will look,
To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
I learn; blessings don’t always feel good, or smell good.
The earth is His footstool.
Truth sprouts forth; seeds of righteousness rise and give birth to attributes of Deity.
Seeds planted because of His sacrifice. Increase I have because… He waited; because He CHOSE to get on His knees; because He, CHOSE to be uncomfortable, weak, and poor; because, … “although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. 8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” Phillipians 2:6-8
Blessings, the divine kind; they are not just what I once thought.
They are the result of brokenness poured out at Jesus’ feet. The chance for God to be who I depend on to bear each day; a need I would have never experienced outside of the reality we are living. Oh what joy to spill my worth and wash His feet when life is hard. What joy to experience growth in barren ground and the sweet scent of knowing Him in every place – hard or not.
My prayer going forward – that I would never again forget or be angered that He is all we need.
2 Corinthians 2:14
But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.