P.S. I know worry is a sin

It’s been too long bloggy friends 😉

Can you believe Haddie Joy will be four weeks old on Monday?  Wow! 

Hasn’t she grown? 

We’ll find out just how much on Monday.

I’ve had several things I’ve wanted to blog in the past weeks.  I’ve wanted to call each person who has brought supper, sent a gift, and helped in countless other ways and tell each one how what they’ve done has ministered to our family in such a unique, special way.  I’ve wanted to bring Haddie Joy to church and just hold her up for all to enjoy and beaming say, “Looky what God can do”.  I’ve wanted to sit and talk for hours with anyone willing about what God has done, what He is doing and what He might do in the future.  But alas, I get little sleep – and frankly, I’m just too tired.  So I’ll have to settle for sporadic blogging and facebook posting for now.  Please know that we get all of the calls, e-mails and comments and I absolutely love how each one of you are sharing in this miracle with us.  It has been such a joy and just plain fun.

By the way, did you know that miracle babies cry?  I didn’t.  I mean, I knew she might ya know, but I kind of thought she would come with a “no worries for life” pass.  You know – bliss forever.  You laugh, and I’m chuckling a little as I type – but truly that sums up a little of what we’ve experienced these past days.

You would think we would just feel home free and be snuggling and loving our sweet bundle with no thought to her health.  And don’t get me wrong – we are doing plenty of snuggling and hugging and singing and…well, you get the picture – but we are down right doing a lot of worrying too.

Good parents worry.  That is what we believe.  Oh, we don’t say it aloud, but we believe it don’t we?  What good parent doesn’t put in a good bit of time worrying after the health and well-being of their children?  None!!  Of course, we good Christians say we are “concerned”.  Ha!  We are downright troubled and we know it!

I say all of that to preface the fact that it has been really hard to trust the Lord with sweet Haddie Joy’s health since she’s been born.  Call me crazy, but I really didn’t anticipate some of these emotions.  Peter and I stood in our bedroom the other night frazzled and sleep deprived beyond belief.  We both just sort of lost it.  We were allowing worry to eat away at us like a cancer.  We had to stand there and have a little “come to Jesus” meeting.  I never considered that I would struggle to trust God with her if he healed her and she lived.  I never considered that I would allow worry to eat away at my joy if she made it.  But that is exactly what I’m…we’re battling.  Satan doesn’t miss a beat.  He certainly doesn’t want us to experience the full blessing of what God has done. 

So here we are.  Struggling with the whole breastfeeding learning curve…wondering if she’s getting enough, am I producing enough milk, drinking enough water, resting enough, worrying little enough (ironic, eh?), constantly thinking, “Will she make the cut when she’s weighed next?”  Worrying about the test results we’re awaiting.  Worried about her hips.  Worried about her next appointment.  Worried if she’s getting enough rest.  Worried about her breathing and congestion…yada yada yada….worry worry worry. 

P.S. I know worry is a sin…I’m working on it 😉

We didn’t come this far on the journey to trade joy for worrying.  So I’m going to fight it.  And to fight it, I must recognize what is at the root of it all – good old-fashioned fear.

God has entrusted us with such a special gift of life, and the truth is – I’m scared He’ll take it away before I’m ready.  I fear that.  I was so sure His lessons were all wrapped up in our suffering an immediate loss.  That hasn’t happened.  But I’m learning this journey through joy has only just begun with her life.  I have to remind myself, He still knows the number of her days.  He still has her in His hands.  No matter what we face tomorrow, I must know He is enough.  I can still rest in Him, and be a worry-free good parent – or at least put forth a valiant effort.  So, my objective for the days ahead…enjoy Christmas, and our new extended family, period. 

Blessings,

 Brooke 🙂

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5 Responses to P.S. I know worry is a sin

  1. Candace says:

    Aww Brooke, spoken like a true parent of a newborn : ) Only way to get further down the road is to just put one foot in front of the other, albeit a very sleepy one! Good for you for not trading in your joy! Hang in there,
    Candace

  2. Rebecca Crisp says:

    I wish I could be there as a silent helper and take care of her while ya’ll get some rest!!! Praying and rejoicing with and for you all!! What a wonderful Thanksgiving/Christmas gift.

  3. I totally understand that “worry” issue. I am struggling with that now as my 16 year old is wanting to get a jog–a real job around people who might not be the best influence on him. I am having the *hardest* time letting go and trusting God that He will take care of him. Crazy, I know–but I struggle with letting him grow up every day. Scared I will lose him and he will grow up faster than I am ready for.

    Praying for peace, trust, and lots of rest for you and Peter!

  4. Lisa says:

    I know that as I write this you are saying Lisa you have no children to worry about, but I have worried over 13 nieces, nephews, great nieces, and great nephew. And over the years, I have shed many tears for my former Mission Friends, Sunday School kids, and yes even former students. I guess having none of my own… that I have poured my worries into their lives. It is what you do w/that worry…. give it to the Lord as you are doing. He will bless you w/it. As you said Satan wants to have it; satan wants to eat you inside out w/worry and fear. The Lord can use your love, concern, and worry for your children to be a testimony to another parent later in life. Right now just sleep when you can and keep trusting God. All of us bloggers will keep lifting you up w/whatever struggles come your way. Your little miracle is as Jesus was to Mary, your sweet little child to love, cherish, and care for…. and you my sister in Christ are doing just that. Keep the faith… you are just a very tired and exhausted mommy 🙂

  5. Breck says:

    Hey there!
    Finally found this blog!
    I, for one, am not granting ‘worry’ as a sin. In fact, I spend more of my time worrying about people than I care to admit, but it’s all a part of caring, I believe. I have other faults more worthy of confessing.
    I hope all of you are well, and that your Christmas season is full of wonder!
    Breck Collins

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