It’s been too long bloggy friends 😉
Can you believe Haddie Joy will be four weeks old on Monday? Wow!
Hasn’t she grown?
We’ll find out just how much on Monday.
I’ve had several things I’ve wanted to blog in the past weeks. I’ve wanted to call each person who has brought supper, sent a gift, and helped in countless other ways and tell each one how what they’ve done has ministered to our family in such a unique, special way. I’ve wanted to bring Haddie Joy to church and just hold her up for all to enjoy and beaming say, “Looky what God can do”. I’ve wanted to sit and talk for hours with anyone willing about what God has done, what He is doing and what He might do in the future. But alas, I get little sleep – and frankly, I’m just too tired. So I’ll have to settle for sporadic blogging and facebook posting for now. Please know that we get all of the calls, e-mails and comments and I absolutely love how each one of you are sharing in this miracle with us. It has been such a joy and just plain fun.
By the way, did you know that miracle babies cry? I didn’t. I mean, I knew she might ya know, but I kind of thought she would come with a “no worries for life” pass. You know – bliss forever. You laugh, and I’m chuckling a little as I type – but truly that sums up a little of what we’ve experienced these past days.
You would think we would just feel home free and be snuggling and loving our sweet bundle with no thought to her health. And don’t get me wrong – we are doing plenty of snuggling and hugging and singing and…well, you get the picture – but we are down right doing a lot of worrying too.
Good parents worry. That is what we believe. Oh, we don’t say it aloud, but we believe it don’t we? What good parent doesn’t put in a good bit of time worrying after the health and well-being of their children? None!! Of course, we good Christians say we are “concerned”. Ha! We are downright troubled and we know it!
I say all of that to preface the fact that it has been really hard to trust the Lord with sweet Haddie Joy’s health since she’s been born. Call me crazy, but I really didn’t anticipate some of these emotions. Peter and I stood in our bedroom the other night frazzled and sleep deprived beyond belief. We both just sort of lost it. We were allowing worry to eat away at us like a cancer. We had to stand there and have a little “come to Jesus” meeting. I never considered that I would struggle to trust God with her if he healed her and she lived. I never considered that I would allow worry to eat away at my joy if she made it. But that is exactly what I’m…we’re battling. Satan doesn’t miss a beat. He certainly doesn’t want us to experience the full blessing of what God has done.
So here we are. Struggling with the whole breastfeeding learning curve…wondering if she’s getting enough, am I producing enough milk, drinking enough water, resting enough, worrying little enough (ironic, eh?), constantly thinking, “Will she make the cut when she’s weighed next?” Worrying about the test results we’re awaiting. Worried about her hips. Worried about her next appointment. Worried if she’s getting enough rest. Worried about her breathing and congestion…yada yada yada….worry worry worry.
P.S. I know worry is a sin…I’m working on it 😉
We didn’t come this far on the journey to trade joy for worrying. So I’m going to fight it. And to fight it, I must recognize what is at the root of it all – good old-fashioned fear.
God has entrusted us with such a special gift of life, and the truth is – I’m scared He’ll take it away before I’m ready. I fear that. I was so sure His lessons were all wrapped up in our suffering an immediate loss. That hasn’t happened. But I’m learning this journey through joy has only just begun with her life. I have to remind myself, He still knows the number of her days. He still has her in His hands. No matter what we face tomorrow, I must know He is enough. I can still rest in Him, and be a worry-free good parent – or at least put forth a valiant effort. So, my objective for the days ahead…enjoy Christmas, and our new extended family, period.